Talking meds

Doped up on cough syrup and flu pills yet unable to sleep because I didn't want to do my holiday injustice, I sat down and thought more about the band.

Made a few calls, sent a few PMs and I've rallied all the essentials - groupies (Bonnie and Seth), image consultants (Adam J. and Matthew) and foreign managers (Seth covering Britain, if he can get it pass the missus, and when Valerie wakes up, she'll find out she's handling the Northwest).

Me: I'm going to quit my job and be a rock star
Seth: cool plan
Me: Wyche has decided to join me
Me: We're going to be... the Talking Dildos.
Me: (It's the only way to sell the talking dildos I'm going to prototype.)
Me: Our band motto... Rock Hard!
Seth: I can't play an instrument - can I join?
Me: You can join Bonnie and be our groupies
Me: Adam and Matt are our image consultants
Seth: I can fake the harmonica
Seth: I am your groupie right now!
Me: Ah
Me: You can be our main man in Britain
Me: I'm being bloody serious
Me: Stop giggling!
Seth: okay then
Seth: I will get you all the choice venues and free beer.
Me: Yay!
Me: :)
Me: Thanks
Me: You're a gem
Seth: no worries.
Me: My preccciiiooousss
Seth: ...
Seth: ewwwwww
Me: Hehe
Me: I forgot to warn you that I'm on cold meds
Me: But I assure you, Talking Dildos was born way before I popped those pills
Seth: ah
Seth: fair enough - we can add that top your profile page in Smash Hits magazine
Me: Yay!
Me: We like Smash Hits
Me: Doo dee doo
Seth: there you go
Seth: Trashing hotel rooms, maiking outragoeus demands for stuff in your dressing rooms, cancelling gigs at the last minutes and pissing off fans...that is the life
Me: We're so gonna ride it!
Seth: too right
Me: Send you goooood vibrations
Me: :)
Seth: Which one of you plans on dying of the drug overdose, and which one will be caught by the gutter press in a "liaason" with an underage groupie/
Seth: ?
Me: Hmmm
Me: That will be our future drummer, Nolan
Seth: OK then
Me: I don't know about the latter
Seth: i am working on the rpess release to the BBC...
Me: Damn straight
Me: You're a good man
Me: First, I have to learn to play the guitar
Seth: nah, get the look down first.
Seth: Priorities.
Me: Oh I've got the look
Seth: And watch School Orf Rock.
Me: We're going to be like Devo... with Devo type hats
Me: Look a little phallic
Seth: Excellent
Me: But is that predictable?
Seth: brilliant!
Seth: No, it is "retro"
Seth: and "homage"
Me: We're going to invite Byrne to star in our first music video
Seth: star and...direct, perhaps?
Me: Nah
Me: We're snooty bastards
Seth: yeah, fuck 'em
Me: We prefer to maintain control of the operations
Seth: there ya go!
Me: Yeah
Me: We're also going to have porn editions
Me: To get on the playboy channels and sell our merchandise
Seth: well, go after your market, eh?
Me: And in case the parent groups kick up a fuss
Me: We'll also launch safe sex programs
Me: "Have sex with yourself!"
Seth: wow, you guys have this all planned out.
Seth: I am impressed.
Me: Damn straight, dawg!

I think I've got the magnetic personality covered - what with people I'm talking to getting dumbstruck and typing like a fool. Psssch. And I guess the dry spell is coming handy - I can pull off the sexless, ageless rock star crap and get deranged fans wanting to bear my ass babies.

Phwoah!

If and when I come to my senses, NyQuil's my scapegoat.